Honest
by Serpent Tailed Angel
Summary: Be more honest with your feelings, she said, but not once had she ever been honest with him.


Decent adults, Gray thought, wouldn't take pleasure in the suffering of a child who walked up to them covered in horrible bruises. They would ask if that child was hurt. Who was bullying him. What happened. Did he need help.

The adults of Fairy Tail, when Gray entered the guild hall, took one look at his black and blue face and burst out rapturous laughter.

"Hey!" Someone shouted, "You pick a fight with Erza again?"

"He's never going to learn, is he?"

"He lost his pants, too," Cana noted.

Gray glanced down and saw that she was right. There was nothing to hide his black and blue legs. Damn that armor wearing psychopath.

Frustrated, Gray kicked the nearest bench over, storming across the room to sit over by Cana. For as tart as she could be, Cana was sensible. Cana wore regular clothes, socialized with the guild, and didn't beat people with a sword if they called her out on her bad behavior. She didn't hide down by the river crying one day, then the next beat up the boy who tried to offer her consolation because he dared tell her she didn't always need a breastplate when he'd unbuttoned his jacket without realizing it.

"Why did we even let that crazy girl into the guild?" Gray grumbled.

"She wouldn't beat you up if you didn't pick a fight with her."

Ouch. Cana had a point, but Gray wasn't in the mood to concede. "I wouldn't pick a fight with her if she wasn't _crazy_."

"Oh? So I'm crazy now?"

Had Gray been wearing pants, he'd have jumped out of them at the sound of that voice. As it was, he still tried to leap from the bench, and ended up falling off backward. He landed headfirst, sprawling out on the floor in a perfect position to see up Erza Scarlet's skirt.

Gray, personally, was not yet out of the 'girls have cooties' phases, but Erza, already aware of the interest that boys showed in girls as they grew up, recoiled in horror when she realized where Gray's eyes were.

"Wh-what are you doing?" She demanded. "I came to apologize for going too rough on you, but to think you'd be so shameful!"

"Huh?" Gray blinked, uncomprehending.

"This… this is unforgivable!" Erza declared, summoning a sword into her hand. "It seems you haven't learned your lesson yet!"

"Whoa! Wait!" Gray cried, hands flying up defensively as he tried to roll over and put some distance between himself and the sword nut. "I didn't _do_ anything!"

It hurt his pride to plead for a girl not to attack him, but Erza had already beaten him senseless that morning after he dared suggest that whatever was troubling her, she share it with the guild. Well, maybe he hadn't suggested so much as demanded, and maybe when she refused he'd threatened to tattle and get the master to question her, but that was neither here nor there. Regardless of why she'd beaten him up, he'd only regained consciousness a half an hour before, and he wasn't in the mood to be knocked out again.

"L-liar! Trying to take advantage of a maiden!" Erza roared, raising her sword and charging at him.

Gray scrambled to his feet, darting around a table before ducking under the next as he cried, "What does that even mean?"

-o-

She didn't knock him out a second time, but she did leave a nasty gash on his leg, and Gray had to go wait in the infirmary and let someone clean the wound and bandage it for him. He missed lunch, and by the time they let him back on his feet, he felt to rotten to bother with dinner.

He stormed out of the guild hall, hands in his jacket pockets, since his pants were still nowhere to be seen. Erza had so thoroughly ruined his day that he didn't think he wanted to bother with even coming to the guild again for the rest of the week. As such, it was an understatement to say he wasn't pleased when she appeared from a side street, caught sight of him, and froze.

Gray glared, realized such a look might compel her to beat him up again, and looked away. Erza, however, continued to stare as if Gray hadn't shot her a dirty look at all, cheeks tinged pink as she took him in.

Then, ignoring Gray's protest, she strode forward, grabbed his arm, and dragged him off.

He was covered in bruises and had a large gash across his leg. One that he would need to rebandage when he got home, if that dampness he felt and the growing red spot on the wrapping was any indicator. Gray was by no means going to fight Erza again, and even if he wanted to, was in no shape to resist. He let her drag him down street after street, then out of town and into the woods. He didn't even bother to ask where they were going. Erza would tell him when she felt like it, if at all, and if he was too noisy, she might knock him out just to keep him quiet.

It wasn't until Magnolia was out of sight that she stopped. Gray watched her wearily as she looked around, first giving their surrounding a cursory glance, then checking behind nearby trees before declaring, "We seem to be alone."

"Okay. And that matters because…?"

Erza didn't answer. Not verbally, at least. Instead, she turned back to Gray with a fiercely determined look in her eyes, marched up to him, and leaned in so close that their noses nearly touched. Before Gray could tell her she was to close, she placed a hand on each of his cheeks and, holding him in place, leaned forward to press her lips against his.

When she pulled away, Gray was too stunned to speak. Mistaking his silence for something other than shock, Erza blushed and looked away.

"I-if you're interested, you shouldn't be so crass in the future… but I did kind of like that you were bold about it…" she said.

Gray, still oblivious to the issue of having seen her underwear earlier, had no idea what Erza was talking about, and no idea how to respond to that. This gave Erza the opportunity to go unchallenged as she made her decision for both of them.

"Alright. If you… If you like me, then I will be your girlfriend. However, I can't… No one can know we're together. _Do I make myself clear?_ "

Despite sounding so shy at first, the final sentence came out harsh, dripping with her usual commanding tone. Gray didn't even think, responding to that tone with a quick "Yes!" before he could process what he was agreeing to.

What a rotten day indeed. Erza made him walk with her until the paths to their homes deviated, and he trudged into bed without eating, washing, or, alarmingly, stripping out of his day clothes.

He'd agreed to be _Erza Scarlet_ ' _s_ boyfriend. He was doomed.

-o-

It wasn't as bad as Gray thought it would be. Erza still wore armor and kept her distance from the rest of the guild, but she became less likely to beat him up. It was only when he truly picked a fight with her that she retaliated with force. Otherwise, she would one up him in argument. It still left the guild laughing at him, but Gray preferred bruised pride to bruised internal organs.

On occasion, she might seek him out and drag him off. Levy showed her a fairytale that inspired Erza, and Gray was required to help her recreate a romantic scene. When the Harvest Festival rolled around and they were both told to wait until they were older before joining the parade, she found a hidden corner with a nice view and made him watch with her. If she saw a magazine where a woman was commended on her sense of fashion, she would come to his dorm and demand he accompany her to find something similarly cute to wear. Of all their odd dates, this was the one Gray put the most heart into. His hope was that if he convinced Erza she looked great in normal clothes, she would wear them instead of armor. This never panned out, but as a reward for judging the things she tried on, Erza would always buy replacements for whatever clothes Gray lost while accompanying her.

Mostly, being Erza's secret boyfriend meant secret kisses. She was too shy after the first time to go for the lips again, so she would kiss his cheek, then expect him to kiss hers. After Natsu joined the guild and Erza startled resolving their fights for them, a kiss on the forehead later that evening became a common apology for hitting him earlier, to let him know that she was so hard on him because people would suspect something if she showed favoritism.

She never explained why they had to be a secret, though.

-o-

Gray was fifteen when he stopped considering the relationship to be an odd Erza-ism that he had to go along with. It didn't hurt that she'd filled out, but more than that, he felt like they'd truly hit a mutual understanding.

She was still reclusive in her usual way, refusing to socialize too openly with the guild, insisting they never show any sort of romantic affection where others might see them, and never explaining any of it. The longer it went on, the more Gray wanted to know her reasons.

"I had a bad past experience," was the most she ever told him.

Once, out of desperation, Gray offered to tell her his own history before Fairy Tail in exchange for hers. At the time, they were in his apartment, with the lights out and curtains pulled, and Erza sitting in his lap. He'd lost his shirt, although for once, he wasn't the one who'd pulled it off. In retrospect, it might not have been the best time to bring the subject up. Erza had stiffened, her nails digging into the skin under his boxers, which were also in the process of coming off.

"No."

"You don't think there should be nothing between us before we—"

"No."

-o-

There were a few times someone almost caught them. They tried making out in the guild infirmary right before Elfman broke his arm in a bar brawl. Mira followed Erza for a whole week in the hopes of getting blackmail on her, something they almost didn't discover in time. On one horrible occasion, the two returned to the guild after slipping out for what was meant to be a make out session and went a little too far, and Natsu commented aloud on their scents. Gray thought they were busted for sure that time, but before Natsu had a chance to make anything of what he'd smelled, Erza slugged him for the sin of getting into her personal space in order to sniff her. Natsu, sufficiently distracted by the fact that someone dug their fist into his face, thought of the smell no more.

Gray never knew where he stood with Erza, beyond that if they stood close together, it had to be somewhere that no one else could see it. At times, he felt like whatever they had was purely physical. There were so many ways Erza still wouldn't open up to him. At others, the mask slipped. Cracks appeared in the armor she put up around her heart. Gray would catch a glimpse of the fragile girl he'd seen crying at the riverside.

It made him feel special to think that Erza only let those little hints of herself slip through for him. He certainly never saw her like that around the guild. Sometimes, he fantasized about what it would be like for her to trust him enough to let her guard down completely. For all the times she'd let him remove her physical armor, he yearned for a chance to strip down all the emotional barriers she'd placed around herself.

-o-

A beach resort getaway that would have been the perfect time to try and move their relationship farther was ruined. First, they had to share a room with Natsu and Lucy, which would make it _extremely_ hard to do anything fun without getting caught. Even if they both found the time to crawl into be together, they both remembered the time Natsu almost found them out from scent alone.

Second, Natsu and Lucy expected them to all do things as a team. Normally, that would be fine with Gray, but he wanted to enjoy the beach with _Erza_. If he couldn't have a room alone with her, he at least wanted to sneak off to a hidden spot along the beach to be alone with her, which was really freaking hard when Natsu trailed them everywhere.

Third, and perhaps most importantly, Erza's childhood crush sent team of former mutual friends to abduct her, then tried to use her as a sacrifice to bring an ancient evil wizard back from the dead. Even after Natsu—and Gray hated that it was Natsu and not him—saved Erza and brought her back to the resort, the fact that Erza had a childhood crush nagged at Gray. A childhood crush who, according to Natsu, Erza hadn't been able to go all out on herself. But that was silly of him. Jellal was dead.

Which brought Gray to the forth problem. For as terrible a human being as he'd found Jellal to be, Erza was in mourning for him, or rather, for the old friend who there was now no way to bring back. Petty jealousy or not, Gray could hardly try and press her for attention just then. Instead, he followed her along the boardwalk.

On another day, he might think of it as a couple's thing for the two of them to explore booths at a summer festival together. They would giggle and share conspiratorial grins as they went to great lengths to keep from being seen by anyone else in the guild. This time, with two old friends of her dead, there was no secret joy to be found in one another's company. Instead, Gray did the best he could to offer comfort, and to find as many distractions as he could to keep her content. He didn't even need to bother with keeping his actions a secret from everyone else, which he'd come to think of as half the fun when he and Erza went out. No one would question him for trying to comfort her now.

With that in mind, he decided to be selfish enough to take her hand in his, and hold on to her tight as they went to check out a booth where you could try and catch goldfish in a paper net.

"Thanks," Erza said.

"I'm not the one who fixed everything."

"I wouldn't say that everything was fixed, but that's not relevant. Thank you for being here."

"Yeah. Any time."

She offered him a smile before her attention went to the goldfish, and he was forced to let go of her hand so she could fish a hundred jewel coin from her pocket and try her hand with the net. Three thousand jewels, one round of pleading, and then another five hundred on Gray's part later, Erza walked away the proud owner of a traumatized goldfish.

"Let me know if you like anything else you see," Gray told her. "I'm treating you tonight. Anything you want, I'll get for you."

"Oh? Perhaps I should get something special for you, too?"

Normally, when she made an offer with that, it came with a sly grin and a comment about what clothes Gray was already missing.

"Me? I have everything I've ever wanted."

Erza laughed at that. "So you don't want to beat Natsu anymore?"

"Everything I've ever wanted that's right here," he amended.

Given the situation, he didn't think it would be appropriate to kiss her, but Erza thought otherwise. She put a hand on the back of his head and pulled him down so their lips met.

Yes, he had everything he'd ever wanted indeed. Things were hard for Erza in the wake of Jellal's madness, but he was gone. Gray finally knew what it was that made Erza distance herself from everyone, and that reason was gone. Erza's sadness over him wouldn't go away half as fast, but time healed all wounds, and in the wake of her recovery from this one, they could go forward knowing each other better. Nothing between them.

Maybe, just maybe, they'd even stop hiding their relationship. He would miss the thrill of trying to keep from being caught, but the convenience of being able to kiss her whenever he damn well pleased had its own appeal to it.

-o-

"I'd like not to hide it too…" Erza said carefully, "but don't you think there should be some thought put into how we tell everyone? For as long as we've hidden it, I want to go about this the right way."

That was fine with Gray. Who cared if Erza was nervous about the two of them going public? He was confident she was his, and that was the most important part. Whether or not people knew she was taken didn't matter. Erza turned down male affections from anyone else, and beat every fool who dared make a pass at her within an inch of his life.

No. Gray wasn't worried at all. Not until the mission where Jellal came back.

Initially, he didn't even know. It was Natsu, or more accurately Wendy, who first found out about him. No one mentioned that he was somewhere in the Woodsea with them, but Erza heard. As far as Gray knew, Erza had gone into the woods merely to stop Nirvana, the same as all of them. That she might be searching for the old friend she wanted to return to his old self never crossed Gray's mind. She kept Jellal from speaking over their telepathic communication, and it wasn't until the battle was over that Gray learned he was even there.

But there was something much worse than his presence. Seeing Jellal for the first time, Gray felt his blood freeze.

What had Jellal looked like when he was ten? The same as Gray did? They weren't perfectly identical, but there was no denying the similarities. When Erza came to the guild all those years ago, what did she think when she saw Gray for the first time? To her, back then, had he been another new face, or the ghost of one that dominated so many of her thoughts?

"It doesn't matter," he heard her tell that man. "No matter what you do, no matter what happens to you, I'll always—"

He didn't want to know how that sentence would have ended every bit as badly as he needed to know. Either way, he was fine with Jellal not hearing the ending either, and for that, he felt a selfish relief over the sudden arrival of the council.

That didn't stop him from fighting the council, of course. Whatever Erza thought of Jellal, he seemed to have turned over a new leaf, and according to everyone who knew he'd been there, he'd been essential in stopping Nirvana. Gray wasn't above feeling petty, but he didn't have to act on his petty feelings. He did his best to save Jellal. For what they thought was right. For Erza.

He was still relieved when Erza ordered that they let Jellal be taken. Immensely relieved. Right up until the point where she snuck away to cry over him.

This time, Gray couldn't bring himself to comfort her.

-o-

They got their second chance at a beach getaway. Granted, they went to the beach under the guise of training, but not for one second did Gray or Natsu or anyone else in their training camp think they would spend every waking second working to get stronger. Why go to the beach if you didn't plan to enjoy the beach a little?

Gray even found a way to make their hanging out together look like practice. After Erza complained of needing a moment's rest from her own training, something she likely said as an excuse to sun herself for a while, Gray sat down beside her in the sand, grinning.

"You look hot."

Erza took a moment to make sure neither Natsu nor Wendy were there before saying, "Thanks. It's a new suit. You like it?"

"Definitely, and don't get me wrong, you always look amazing, but I meant that in the non-complimentary way. Mind if I keep you cool while I work on fine-tuning my magic?"

"Not at all."

There was no battle application for creating a thin layer of frost on someone's underside, but Gray felt it was still a worthwhile thing to practice. Erza laughed when he applied it to her, claiming it ticked, then waited a few minutes for the frost to melt before rolling onto her stomach and letting Gray cool her front off.

"Shaved ice would be nice right around now."

"Plain? If you want it flavored, I'll need to buy it for you. I don't carry my own syrup around with me."

"That seems like a wasted opportunity."

"Where would I store it? My pockets?"

"It might encourage you to keep your pants on," Erza said. "Not that I mind when you lose them."

"You don't? And after all those times you beat me up for taking them off. When did you change your mind?"

"Publicly? When I stopped nagging everyone else, I suppose. If I don't go off on anyone else, there's no need to make a show of getting cross with you. Privately, however, I should say it was around the time _I_ started undressing you."

Gray chuckled. "Well, there's no need to keep the two separate anymore."

Her eyes were shut, and as far as he knew, she was about to fall asleep in her beach chair, so Gray thought nothing of the slight pause before she said, "Of course."

"Hey, maybe now would be a good time to tell them. They could catch us making out right here. Just imagine the look on Lucy's face. Or Natsu's, when he finds out how long we kept him from catching on."

That made Erza laugh, but she didn't speak up to say she agreed. Didn't even look up, which Gray would have taken as a cue to kiss her.

Something knotted in his stomach, seeing that reaction, but it was probably nothing. It was always Erza who insisted they keep themselves secret. Maybe the trauma that compelled her to do that still had enough of a hold on her to frighten her from fessing up to the guild. Maybe she was just shy about romance, and because of that trauma Gray had never realized.

Jellal was still in prison, for all he knew. Hell, after the seven years they'd slept through, maybe he'd been executed. It occurred to Gray once or twice to ask someone about him, but he'd never been able to come up with a good excuse for why he cared.

It didn't matter. They'd never let him go, even if he was alive. Erza was the one who let them take him away, too. Nothing threatened them.

"So, plain or flavored?"

"Mm… Could I get one of each?"

Gray left Erza with a shaved ice—contained in a bowl of solid ice—and went to find a beachside stall that might sell a treat for himself and his girlfriend.

When he returned, Erza had flipped onto her back again, requipped into something that would leave a better tan line, and was lazily scooping shaved ice from the bowl with her fingers.

"I should have made you a spoon."

"My hands would still be cold if you did."

"Sorry." He sat down beside her. "Here's a plastic one, if that helps. You ice is strawberry flavored. Your favorite."

Up until the Nirvana affair, no one but Gray had known that strawberry was her favorite. Now it was no longer special if he got strawberry for her without having to ask what she wanted.

Up until the Nirvana affair, Gray never worried about whether anything he did for her was special or not. He'd never been able to figure out what made Erza kiss him and declare they were a couple, but he'd always assumed she saw some side of him that she liked. That what she saw was a resemblance to someone else, now that the possibility had crossed Gray's mind, was an unbearable thought.

He watched Erza take a bite, her already lovely face melting into an adorable grin as the sweet syrup hit her tongue. More than anything else, he wanted her. He wanted to see that little smile every day. He wanted to see it first thing when he woke up, and he wanted it to be the last thing he saw each night.

Taking a deep breath, stealing himself, Gray told Erza something that neither of them, in all their secrecy, and with all the distance that the Tower of Heaven used to keep between them, had ever said before.

"I love you."

Erza nearly choked on her ice, coughing and sitting upright in order to better pound on her chest. Gray, having expected approximately that reaction, waited patiently for the initial shock to pass before seeing what her response might be.

"I…" Erza blushed and looked away. "I-I…"

"Gray!"

They both flinched, and Gray even tucked his bowl of shaved ice behind his back when they heard Juvia call out to him. It only gave them a few seconds warning before she tackled him, arms wrapping tight around his chest.

"Gray, Juvia was so sad! You weren't anywhere to be seen! And after you spent the whole day yesterday with Natsu. Not that Juvia didn't mind watching, but to go ignored by you for so long…"

"You made me breakfast. We ate together this morning," Gray reminded her.

"Oh. It feels like that was an eternity ago, since you've been gone since." Juvia paused, looking over Gray's shoulder. "Did you buy shaved ice? Thank you! How did you know this was Juvia's favorite flavor?"

"You'd have said that no matter what flavor it was," Gray pointed out, giving Erza an apologetic smile as he did. Not that she needed to know he wasn't interested in Juvia. While they'd never discussed the subject bluntly enough for him to explain all the little ways her shows of affection alarmed him, he'd always made a point of assuring Erza that anything romantic between him and Juvia was _entirely_ in Juvia's head.

She gave him a sympathetic smile in return before rolling back onto her stomach, neither leaving Gray alone with Juvia, nor acting too intrusive. Act too intrusive, and Juvia might, for the first time ever, declare an actual threat to Gray's attention to be her love rival.

Normally, Gray would be grateful for such a diplomatic gesture. This time, it gave him goose bumps. If Erza loved him back, she ought to confront Juvia.

-o-

His body still ached from the aftereffects of Ultear's manipulation to release his second origin, and so Gray figured that, if he wanted to get all the ache over with at once, Erza probably picked a good time to pull him aside and say, "We need to talk."

If they talked too long, they'd miss the train to Crocus, but since the rest of their team was already on board, the two of them catching the next train alone didn't sound terrible. Gray let Erza lead him to a secluded corner of the station, expecting that they were finally going to really discuss the Juvia dilemma.

"Gray… I think it's time we call things off."

-o-

Only a few days later, they discussed the Juvia dilemma.

Gray had done his best during that time to pretend nothing was wrong. They had a tournament to win, and everyone expected him to focus on that. Focusing on that hurt less than thinking of how he and Erza were over. And anyway, no one ever even knew they were together. Gray didn't know who he could talk to about his problems who wouldn't fixate on the fact that the two of them had secretly been seeing one another for all those years.

When Erza approached him one night, after the day's competition had wrapped up, some part of him hoped she might have more to say to explain why she didn't want to be with him anymore, or to express regret over the decision and take him back. Maybe it was that the thought of coming clean to the guild scared her, or that she hadn't wanted to hurt Juvia.

Well, part of him hoped that. The part that was still dreaming. The part that hadn't seen her gaze constantly wander over to Jellal the first day of the tournament. The part that pretended not to notice her sneaking off to see that man the same way she used to sneak off with _him_. The part that didn't realize their breakup came the morning after she went off alone with Jellal at the beach.

The part that was petty enough to wish Jellal would get caught sneaking around the capitol.

"Surely you've noticed Juvia's feelings for you," Erza mentioned, as if Juvia were subtle about how she felt, and as if Gray hadn't constantly assured Erza they weren't mutual.

He could see where this was going, and he didn't like it one bit.

"You should be more honest with her. Tell her exactly how you feel."

The only response Gray could manage was to look away. He didn't need to hear that. Not from the girl who dated the man who looked most like her childhood crush. Not from someone who kept the two of them secret, and only admitted to why years later when others forced her to divulge her past to him.

Be more honest with your feelings, she said, but not once had she ever been honest with him.

-x-

 **STA:** This is an idea I've had ever since the chapter where Erza and Gray talk about Juvia. four false starts before I finally got past about 500 words with this one. All previous attempts started with Gray finding Erza by the river, and I kept getting stuck figuring out where to go from there. Skipping over that seems to have worked out for me a whole lot better, and let me tell you, if feels amazing it to finally get this idea out of my head.


End file.
